Befriending uncertainty
I once believed that growing older was simultaneous to growing wiser, however, at 30, I must confess with each passing day it is becoming alarmingly apparent how much I do not know.
Every book that I read is a reminder of how much I do not know and I have become well acquainted with my own ignorance.
I walk the continued road of mystery, humility in one hand, a black pen in the other. It is Thursday 26th of February, and this, is what I am sure.
A Sunday roast in London. The Artists Way. Zach Top. Ice cream on park benches. Roses. Snow on Christmas Eve. Live music from the front row. Ocean kisses. Three hour coffee dates. Bookshops (especially on rainy days) and Vegemite sandwiches. The sound of a flowing river. Two hour phone calls. The pub after close.
That experience is both a muse and a remedy, jealousy is desire in disguise and that love, is a compass.
The curriculum of life is for those who can bare the contradiction, grief permanently reconstructs perception & that dostoevsky was right, when he wrote, “pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.”
That softness is strength as much as is graciousness, there is wisdom to be found in the places you do not want to look, and the importance of handwritten letters.
That the moon is good company, paying attention is important work and that only time dilutes the intensity of pain.
The Notting Hill market. Of daffodils in the spring, dahlias in the summer. Silliness. Hiking with your best friends. Harry Potter. Tuesdays with Morrie. A live orchestra. Ludovico Einaudi. Seed sowing. Storytelling. A shared sunset over a city skyline. Irish pubs. The scent of sweet pea. A full bookcase. The enchantment of a quaint coffee shop on a rainy day.
That perspective is wealth, time is our most precious resource and miracles are a matter of perception.
That two truths can exist without capacity for reconcile, but the tension hurts & the best way to spend a Wednesday night might just be skinny dipping and first kisses under a pink sky.
Of this, I am sure.